heavy metal bonin'

trombone isn't usually thought of as a heavy metal instrument. guitar works well in metal 'cause it hangs down near your crotch, which is where metal comes from, but trombone requires you to operate a lubricated slide in a circus-like fashion while pinching your lips like you just ate a sour plum. plus, metalists tend to have names that reference drugs or violence, which are both big parts of metal, whereas trombone players tend to be called "dave" or "pete" or have cute nicknames containing the word "slide." if metal was about proper breath support, good posture, posing for a goofy photo in a tuxedo while holding your instrument, having a clean-cut hairstyle and keeping your cellphone in a cellphone holder on your belt, trombonists would be kings of the metal world.

so how can we as trombonists keep up when it comes to playing metal? one route some people take with electric trombone (including me when i first got into it) is to slap on distortion, a wah pedal, flanger, play through an overdriven amp, etc., essentially mimmicking the setup guitarists use for harder sounds (listen to ex. 1--it's loud!). i have mixed feelings about this. on the one hand, it's fun and sounds pretty cool at first, but on the other hand, even if the novelty of distorted trombone like this might impress your friends who think that "heavy metal is cool," it probably won't get you very far opening for cannibal corpse. i still muck around with it sometimes since it's fun, but it gets old and gimmicky after a bit. i guess if i were a real metalhead it never would, though.

i guess the big problem with mimmicking a guitar setup with trombone has more to do with the people playing it than the setup itself. like i said before, metal comes from your crotch, and most trombonists don't have much crotch (though some of them do sport nice camel toe). i would love to see a trombonist whose life is all about metal devote himself to playing it on trombone, 'cause he'd probably have so much crotch it'd be pouring out his eye holes.

one way to get around this without resorting to being a wannabe metal guitarist trombonist is to get into free improv. well, certain kinds of free improv. for instance, peter brotzmann's classic free improv album "machine gun" will give you a pretty good kick in the face if you play it loud enough. granted, not a single trombonist in that group and not heavy metal, but it's a starting point and it sounds a lot more inspired and raw than a douchebag playing metallica through a distortion pedal.

by the way, the plugins i used in ex. 1 are this and this.

you're welcome. bye.

ex.1